Mommy moments!

12:30:00 PM

Thank you Lord for blessing me with 30 tiny toes, 30 tiny fingers, 3 tiny noses and 3 gorgeous children. But today as a mama I write with an overwhelmed heavy heart. Do you ever have one of those days? The days where you are fighting back tears?

The past few weeks have been busier than normal. Between work (which I am SO thankful I am busy and pray I continue to be!), school starting (I have yet to find decent school shoes at a reasonable price! Any ideas? For Emily Grace!), weddings, last minute trips, Awanas (so excited and nervous at the same time!), MOP's (nice to be able to retreat with some new mama's!), Dr. appointments (my glaucoma check went better than expected! YAY! Next up Asthma) and the list goes on! The thing that is bringing me down the most is my almost 3 year old. I love him more than life itself but he is challenging me more than I think even my oldest has! Be it eating, potty training (yep...not done guys!), tantrums or not getting his way! He had always been my easy child and I feel like I need an intervention!

I was praying in the car on the way back from my Hearts at Home meeting. I am THRILLED to be a part of the ministry this year as it is my monthly God Spa!! I prayed that He would walk alongside me today as I feel desperate for His touch and guidance. Do you ever feel this way? Lost in the shuffle? Noah was screaming the whole way about a sticker. You know the name tag stickers? He wanted it off of his back at the church so I removed it. I asked him if he wanted it and he said no. So I did like any mom would and I threw it away. Little did I know this would result in a full blown temper tantrum at its finest. This boy has got them down! The part that broke my heart is as I was driving home in the Swagger Wagon I looked in the mirror and saw tears streaming down my baby boys face. Enough to make my heart break. I pulled over and hugged him. Kissed him on the nose and then drove the rest of the way home where I then scooped him up and held him in my arms in a tight hug. He tried not to melt into my arms, but I felt him resisting and rubbing the back of my arm. Inside I set him down and walked away to take care of my baby girl.

She is my safe haven. She helps to make me whole. She needs me as much as I need her and I find it completely relaxing to rock in the darkness of her room with the fan blowing and nursing her. She is about to turn 1 in a little over a month so my weeks are limited to this type of closeness with her as I stop nursing 2 weeks after they turn 1. She lays in my arms with her little leg stretched up to my chin and I rest my lips on her tiny toes. She plays with my necklace as I breath her in. She is a complete blessing and joy. She is tiny, precious and completely a gift from God. I am honored that He chose me as some days I don't feel worthy enough. She makes my heart melt. When she is sleeping I long to scoop her up and just hold her close.

After I laid her down I returned to the reality ahead. My toddler who is now tearing apart a bin of clothing I pulled down from the closet (I need to pull out school clothes I bought last Fall!) and is just screaming. I took a deep breath and told him lets start over. I laid him in his crib (this sounds bad when I read it out loud! Yep, my almost 3 year old is still in his crib as he LOVES it and to be honest I love knowing he is in 1 place!) I told him when he wakes up we will make a late lunch, make a craft and watch a movie. I then walked out of the room.

As he was screaming my sweet princess awaited me with a smile. I asked her if she would like to pick out a movie and have a snack and she was like yes please mommy! So nice to have one I can easily please! My first born, my best friend and my sidekick! I don't know who I would be without her!

I decided to take a moment. Gather my thoughts and read a little scripture:

A voice says, "Call out." Then he answered, "What shall I call out?" All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades, When the breath of the Lord blows upon it; Surely the people are grass. The grass withers,  the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. - Isaiah 40:6-8

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

All I can say is I feel much better now. My feet are reaching the ground once again! I have my ugly comfy gauchos on, my comfy Oregon State shirt (GO BEAVS!), my holy slippers and my home is quiet. Tomorrow will be another hard day as we will be attending the Memorial of a dear friend. My heart breaks for his family but is giddy in excitement for him that he is with our heavenly Father and is watching down upon us. No longer in pain, no longer suffering.

Thank you readers for being there for me! It's nice to have a friend listen when you are feeling at your lowest. Many blessings to you.

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  1. Sweet pea you made tears stream down my cheeks and brought a smile to my face! It's nice to know I am not the only one fighting this battle. Wyatt who is only 2 but the size of a 4 year old is my daily challenge. Your words brought me comfort today, Thank You <3

  2. Just read your post. I so know how you feel. Hope is my hard child. She pushes every button I have. Even yesterday morning she woke up in a bad mood and was screaming about a movie. I tried all her favorites but nothing worked. Just had to let her get it all out. Also, Hope's not potty trained either and she just turned three. I'm starting to feel like she will be the only one in kindergarten wearing a pull-up.

    So glad you are part of Hearts at Home. It is a blessing to mommies. Wish they could also do it in the evening for us working moms. :)

    Take care and know that you are never alone.