childhood anxiety

Living and breathing

10:51:00 PM

I am praying that through our struggles with childhood anxiety, depression and OCD thoughts it may be a blessing to someone else. When you are in the throws (which although we are 4 years into knowing something was "wrong", we have started professional help at the beginning of this year).

Things I notice when we are dealing:
  • excessive whining
  • abnormally sad
  • mumbles when speaks
  • lots of harrumphs
  • great big HIGHS and very very low, lows
  • seems normal when happy
  • highly sensitive
  • highly sensitive
  • highly sensitive <---- did you catch that yet?!
  • often cries
  • dwells on thoughts
  • stays upset for long periods of times
  • never forgets
  • RED FLAG: coming to me and saying "Mommy, sometimes I feel sad and I don't know why."
  • when you speak to your doctor more about your child than your OTHER know something is off
  • always looks tired
  • sad eyes
  • focuses on negative
  • worries about everything
  • stomach aches
  • headaches
  • stresses easily
  • panic attacks
  • throws up from panic attacks (worry gets too big for him to handle)
  • extremely hard to follow instructions when in a "mood"
  • moods are often
  • struggles with following through with simple instructions
  • sound sensitivities
  • needs space
  • needs quiet
  • struggles often in center of attention situations
  • when having what we dub an "episode" doesn't notice anyone around them. As if wearing blinders
These struggles are real and trying. I have spent many hours crying and even some days disliking my child. I am awful aren't I? Thankfully I am told this is very normal. When we see our "normal" child, he is lovable. Kind, easy going and responsive. But he only comes out to see us once in awhile.

The smallest thing can be a "set off" for example this:

In my sons mind, my 5 year old is sitting too close to him while we are waiting at my oldests orthodontist appointment. He can hear her breathing. He can hear her eyes move. He can feel her ALL the way up close to him and it's making him angry. "AVA just GET AWAY." I feel awful for her as 9x outta has absolutely nothing to do with her. But she is the brunt of the frustrations.

This is what our world looks looked like on a regular basis. Until we found help. I had wanted help for my son for years. But it was always a "watch and see". It wasn't until I called my pediatrician in tears telling him I couldn't do it anymore he agreed it was time to seek someone for him.

I messaged a friend of mine that owns a clinic, being that I am friends with her she couldn't see us but referred us out to someone she thought would be a great fit for us. We scheduled an appointment that was supposed to be for just my husband and myself, but Noah on that particular day had an "episode" on the way to our friends house. We made a last minute decision to bring him with us. I cried silently on the way to the appointment. My son FUMING in the backseat. When we were welcomed inside, bringing him along in one of his moments turned out to be a complete God thing. Our doctor was able to see what we experience more often than not. It gave a pretty good VIEW into why we were there and the steps of treatment we would pursue. Let me just tell you, it has been life changing for our family. And I will tell you more on this, later.

(to be continued, as they say at the end of a really good movie!)

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